Existing With Depression


I’ve been really weighing up whether to write this post; mainly due to it being somewhat personal, I’m very much a private person; I limit what I want people to know. The other reason for not wanting to write up such a post is due to societies understanding or their lack of; also I can’t see past it being a weakness for me personally, but I’m coming to see it’s not so much a weakness.

Let’s talk about the Black Dog in the room.

Of course I’m referring to Depression; It’s a lot more common than I thought but it’s still got attached to it an awful stigma; It’s almost looked at as a non-illness because there’s no visual effects, some (I know a few people who do) still look at it as you’re just having a bad day; but it’s more than just that; even those with depression have a bad day at least to start with then the illness consumes you. An example of this would be a few minor things have happened missed the bus/train, spilled food/drink over you, broken a belonging; car troubles; on the grand scheme of things they’re pretty minor right?, but with depression these minor things are or can be the foundations that turns the molehill into a mountain. You begin to assess and obsess over the matters and then start analysing every other event or thought your wonderful brain can imagine and before you know it you’ve an immense weight over your entire body.

I referred to the Brain as wonderful; for the most part, it is just that;  it’s what makes you who you are; it’s the reason you’ve the voice you have, the way you think like you do, the reason you can do the things you do. It’s an impressive piece of kit!! But it also has it’s drawbacks over time it fails to function fresh and bright.

Some eight years ago I was diagnosed with Depression; I to this day hate that word but it’s what it is. I had known something wasn’t right but I couldn’t for the life of me work out why; always the energetic lad; active; etc. Then something just changed; I didn’t venture out; stopped seeing people; drank more than one should; Medication wasn’t working; had tried many but all had some side effects; wasn’t until recently I discovered that those pills I had been prescribed were bad for asthmatics. Last year was a massive change for me; relationship; redundancy; moving; all of which had some effects on me; but I’ll cover that in another blog post. 2015 came around, back home, new job fitness improved, but still I was finding days a struggle, moods low, seeing friends less, lower excitement for hobbies; I’ve had even stopped making music. Then my Asthma hit a brick wall on came the new medication of which I will always have; this pretty much got to me, I was due a check up on these new meds; all’s going well, but one also had a review for Depression; I purposely put this off over the years. However, I could not any longer; I needed to address whatever was going on.

This leads me to where I am today; for the past week I’ve been on new pills; and I can honestly say they’ve been working out well; I do not feel anxious all the time, I do not feel like there is a heavy weight on my shoulders, my headspace feels fresher; Although there are things I still wish to further address and given time I will succeed on that front.

So to my admittance; I suffer exist with Depression have done for years; will do indefinitely.

So to anyone who feels this way or is struggling through Depression, I’d like to reassure you that you can get a hold of it instead of letting it take hold of you and change the person you are; small things  will make a difference; getting active can help be it a walk or run; taking yourself out for a coffee; re-introducing yourself back into civilisation. If you find these methods do not make a great difference you can speak to your GP and they will better find methods to help you adjust; be that therapy or medication. 

If you find yourself alone; I’m here to tell you you’re not; You’ve been courageous up to this point, it takes a lot to keep going on with a brave face and convincing others you’re doing fine; Trust that I know; It’s a true test of your character and will; which means you can and will succeed when you face your biggest obstacle, taking the leap of faith to tackling the Depression. You are not broken; you’re just wired to think differently. 

All that’s left for me to say is You’re awesome; I love you and Keep on doing you!

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I say Old Chap