This post has been written and re-written in notes, my mind, for the past two months or so, a post that really opens myself up. I feel it’s something that needs to be expressed; freed from one’s mind, something that others may want/need to think about in their life. I guess this is possibly the second attempt at the first stage of recovery, Acceptance pt.2
I find myself somewhat approaching the end of the 28th year and welcoming in the 29th year, appreciative of the fact it’s not the big 30, not that there’s anything wrong with said age just the realisation that I’ve been in existence for that number of years gives me the jitters, at heart I still feel as young as ever; mentally more so.
I’ve discovered that as years have gone by and given the “growing up” process that I feel as if I accept who I am more so than ever before, gone are the caring of/for others opinions, impressing peers, living up to the expectations set out by said peers and other grown-ups.
You see for many years I cared far too much! in doing so I never allowed for myself to be truly me, live the life I liked, choose the paths that suited me. I was forever living the life that benefited those around me, I’m convinced that in doing so played its part in my mental health wellbeing. Of course that’s not to say that I or any other should exclude Reality; after all, we need be present, work to pay the bills fund our hobbies so on and so forth.
For too long now I’ve held onto past situations; events; crucial moments that for one reason or another has me on the path I find myself on today. Granted the current path does not fill me with the greatest of confidence, that’s why it’s exciting I suppose. It has, however, taught me that I need to listen to myself, to let go, take time for me; be selfish from time to time, have fun (like I used to, like I do with Lauren); most importantly it’s taught me that I am me and that I am not defined by my Depression, Anxiety, past careers, I define myself through my actions and the things I want to do and share with those close to me and throughout the world.
It shall be interesting to look back on this post in some years time to see how much has changed, also if need be to kick myself in the butt as a gentle reminder; failing that I wish to remind myself of a scene at the very end of Disney’s Meet The Robinsons, the quote that lingers in my mind, despite failing to take real notice.
Thank You for reading;
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